myself interview



SJ: "Once a model, always a model." Have You heard this saying before?

SJ: Oh yes, I have, and most often from Her and from Yourself.

SJ: Yourself equals Myself. When I hear You still feeling this, I need to remind You of You and not Her. But who was Her and is She still around?

SJ: She was a big part of Myself, Her and that period of beauty We went through together. She was perfect, or at least tried to be as perfect as possible all the time. She was paid to give daily creative birth to Other people, Other than myself. And She did this with a lot of pleasure until I decided to break Her understanding of beauty, for Her sake and for that of Me and You, with My not-so-perfect thoughts about Her addictions as a reflection of Our own.

SJ: Why did You do that?

SJ: I did this because Her domineering self excited Me and abhorred Me simultaneously.

SJ: How did You do that?

SJ: Because of that, I finally understood the serving necessity of Her body and My impatient need to be served as well, but without Her sense of beauty as no more than a beautiful shell. Her embellishment of Us became an absolute violation for Her. How far did You go with My creation of no restrictions?

SJ: I remember You two and I suffered from the visuals You offered Me to inspect. Her possessive ones and Your eliminative ones. But once Our melancholy became unpropertied, it was time to force Her skin off - like a snake, but not sneakily and to use Your thoughts to wrap around Her naked bones.

SJ: This unbearable act still sounds aggressive to me, and it must have hurt You as well, but the result of the reunion ofMy thoughts and Your actions and Her unconscious nudity in Our creative giving was extraordinary for Me. I assume that it was beautiful for You too?

SJ: Was Your thoroughness beautiful for me? First of all it felt appropriate, there wasn't a way out not to do it, but I wasn't sure if Our femininity could accept this, something She celebrates so well for Herselfand the Others, something We celebrate so well for Us and the Others, something that can break Us but maybe not the Others. But even then, a smile created for a smile is just perfect, fake or not and even fake perfection feels comforting to so many of Us, also You?

SJ: It is true that Her daily seduction is still so appealing to Me. Is it still nourishing to You? It is not fake to Me anymore as She became ceremonial as Our lady. I could bite inside her like vampires do. The red blood ran down Her white skin: What an image! She and Her past feed Us, still, as the Others still do for the rest of Our society in Their way of beautiful belief. But it was for Me to bite and no Other and it was Her that got bitten and no Other. It is finally a fair game.

SJ: It is correct that I pushed Your body into an untraditional attraction of beauty and Her pliable empty cover screened My position as a demonstrator. It might be fair to You but what about the rules She taught everyone about beauty?

SJ: The common dream of beauty, We know perfectly. But it is as diverse as We are. We all love the beauty in Us, on Us, You and You and Her and also Him. But We can decide for Ourselves what We find beautiful, sincere, or fake at any given moment -  and this might change the second afterward because Our feelings are changing constantly. You broke Her perfection, and implied Yours as Your form of beauty and as I sense it, the ugly one. Can perfection be ugly?

SJ: Yes, it can. It can when it is honest. Honesty towards You and Her and Them, including Me, is perfection. It can even be a substitute for unhappiness in the beginning but once the blackmailing vaporizes and gives clarity to the mirror, it smiles at You and feels satisfied.

SJ: My duty was to break the fog and to complete You. How was it to use Herin Our powerful position? Was She an easy target?

SJ: No, not easy, She was the most difficult one, don't You know? The sterile slave of Herself even carried Your thoughts surrounded by this wall of perfection in the beginning. But the handicap got neglected with deeper and harsher bites. She became You and You are close to Me and now indispensable to use. The Others are easier and You are particular.

SJ: Why?

SJ: Because to find Your face in Others would be too easy for You, my dear. There are so many, the choice is so random, the overall view of beauty and its contrary companions is superficial. Blaming Others for Yourself wasn't acceptable anymore but she couldn't lie to me anymore, Others lie to Me, it is a profession in all professions, and Others need to be lied to. We need to secure Ourselves, while turning Ourselves inside out.

SJ: Does that give you pleasure to secure Yourself from the Others, from Me? Are you lying to Me?

SJ: I secure myself from Me and Her and also You. The completion of my crazy masturbation gets tame when You feel my spit hitting Your face while You are staring at Me, My lovely mirror. And that is no lie.


Susanne Junker 2006